Hello tumblr folks, it certainly has been a while since I have written a post on here.. Things have been pretty crazy to say the least. I now have an official site justinegiles.com so feel free to check that out, it is updated on a regular basis - I’m not sure if I will continue to post on here.. we shall see!
Today I wanted to share a message that I received from spirit, and it is one that I have logically understood for a while, but it hasn’t really fully clicked in until now.
I’m not sure where to start, since this is a pretty massive lesson in my life.. but let’s just start here.. Where I am right now :) - I just heard this message come to me in my thoughts, it was clear as day. It said something like this “It’s not that you’re not worthy, trust me you could have it in a heart beat if you truly wanted it..” This is, of course, referring to what has been on my mind for quite some time.. The thought of leaving my hometown, and leaving what a small part of myself thought I wanted in this life.
Allow me to elaborate.. Since I was a child, I knew that I wanted to teach, write, perform music and travel this big wide world. I knew that I loved to be on stage, and I knew that I was a unique person who was more than qualified to break down my own walls, to heal my own addictions, and to get myself where ever it was that I wanted to go. And I still believe all of those things to be true, I -as a human being- also have had many belief systems since I was a child (and even from past lives) that just do not serve me and my highest purpose. I’ve been spending my whole life, almost 2 and a half decades, releasing, clearing, purging.. layer after layer.. belief system after belief system.. year after year.. -this self-work thing is a process you know :P-
But what I didn’t realize until this past year, was that “positive belief systems” aren’t always right for you either.. it’s not just about ridding “negative beliefs”.. it’s also just as important to let go of things that just don’t resonate with you, your life path, and your soul. I have always been a very nurturing, motherly soul in this life. I love to give out, and help people.. even to the point where I frequently run dry. So I grew up being a caring, giving person which you see, is “positive” is it not? Well.. yes.. but to a certain extent.. it is so important to have boundaries.. and again tune into what feels right for you, and timing my friends is absolutely everything.
Since I’m quite a motherly figure to everyone I know, it feels natural for me to want to have children.. to raise a family, to have a beautiful relationship with a soul mate.. with someone who both challenges me, and loves me unconditionally. I have encountered some beautiful souls in this lifetime, some I thought I was ready to settle down with.. but life had another plan for me.. and this has many times left me feeling unworthy of love, family, and of life in general.
I was reminded today by my angels that it has nothing to do with my worth.. and nothing to do with the worth of those souls.. at all. Again, I could have it in a heart beat.. the marriage, the house, the children.. I could have that right now if that was what I truly wanted. So guess what.. that’s not actually what I truly want. How’s that for a surprise.. The main reason I’ve been wanting that, and wanting to rush that lifestyle, is because I feel that will make me worthy.. “If I could prance around with my soul mate, and we have a family.. then I’ll be happy.. then I’ll be worthy.. then other people will be impressed..” and that my friends is just silly.. it’s my old belief system rearing it’s head. I am worthy as I am, and I don’t need anything or anyone else to complete me. Besides, this is a huge attempt from my ego to get me to play it safe and stay small.. (not to say settling down young & raising a family is small or wrong, it is a huge job) but for me, it’s not the time right now. My soul, has been yearning to travel for years. And I’m about to make a big leap out into the world with my music career. I just launched my debut album worldwide.. and now I want to give up and just stay in my hometown forever.. really? Would that truly bring me happiness? Of course not! I know that.. And I also know, in my heart & soul that a delay is not a denial.. Just because I’m not settling down right at this second doesn’t mean I never will. I’m very confident that in the future I will have a family of my own.
So friends.. it’s time for me to take a leap. And I’m not going to lie, I’m scared shitless. I don’t know which souls will keep in touch.. who will leave, who will stay.. who will have my best interest at heart in all situations.. when things are good and when times are tough.. but I have to let go.. and find out, after I take the jump.